The Bride Wore Red
(In honor of the first anniversary of my daughter Tehila Rina and בחירת לבה Ari Moshe; may they continue to be as deeply in love as they are now, and may they be Zoche to build a Bayit Ne'eman B'Yisra'el.)
A number of years ago, I came home from Kinot on Tisha B'Av and commented to my family that in one of the Kinot (#22 in the standard editions), there was a reference to a Bride in a red dress. (Sadly, the bride is mentioned as one of the many who died in the community mass suicides to prevent forced conversions during the Crusades, but that is not the reason I brought it up.)
I said to my family that obviously this shows that white wedding dresses were not necessarily a Jewish tradition.
Although lack of time and the fact that I have other even more important things to talk about keep me from mentioning it here often, one of my strong concerns is the amount of bad non-Jewish influence that has penetrated our religion for thousands of years. I'm not talking about learning good ideas from non-Jews...the beauty of Yefet is supposed to dwell in our tents (B'reishit 9:27), but without changing the essence of our Torah philosophy.
When I talk about such things, I usually concentrate on the larger issues, such as Christian sexual ethics, the Christian view of Gan Eden and 'original sin', outright almost-paganism like caparot, Zoroastrianism like the Lilith story, and all sorts of superstitions, good luck charms, fortunetelling, ayin hara, etc. But the more minor issues are important, too, including issues of dress. (Why are Russian winter fur hats so important and so Kodesh, for example, that people wear them here in Israel in the blazing summer heat?) And this includes wedding dresses.
I often speak only theoretically; as I've mentioned before I'm more of an armchair general (and not necessarily proud of it.) But my daughter Tehila is more likely than me to take action. When she got engaged, she decided her dress would be red.
We got some flak for it. None of the chatan's rebbeim from his yeshiva would be M'sader Kiddushin if she wore red. Another Rav I know told me stories about cases where people bought red cars and immediately got into accidents. Someone else insisted that there was a long Jewish tradition, long before Queen Victoria made it the non-Jewish standard, for brides to wear white. (The latter is definitely not true; there was an exhibit a few years back at the Israel Museum of traditional wedding dresses. There were off-white, rich purple, red, and others. And look at this one...it's white but with lots of gold.)
B"H, we found a wonderful M'sader Kiddushin, Rav Yehoshua Geller, who had been one of my son's teachers at Machon Lev in Jerusalem, and the chatuna was beautiful.
But I felt it was important, in light of the objections and misconceptions, to explain why there is nothing wrong with a red (wedding) dress.
"Everyone knows" that red is the color of p'ritzut and sin, right? Wrong. True, sometimes red, especially as it relates to blood, is associated with sin. But I can't find anyplace in Tanach where it's associated with licentiousness...that came later.
To be clear, we are mostly talking about the color called Tola'at Shani (or just Tola'at or just Shani), which is, according to some sources, a fiery orange-red. The ONLY place in Tanach where that color is associated with sin is in the famous pasuk, which we will say over and over again in the coming weeks in slichot, "...though your sins be like Shani they shall be whitened like snow, if they are red like Tola'at they shall be as wool." (Yeshayahu 1:18) That relates to the blood color, as in bloodshed, since just three p'sukim earlier he said "...your hands are full of blood." It doesn't mean red is always bad.
(There are Tola'at threads used in purifying people and houses from Tza'arat, and added to the burning of the Para Aduma. In the latter case, it's true that Rashi relates it to the above pasuk, but in the former he relates it to the fact that tola'at is actually a worm and it is a reminder to the former sufferer of tza'arat that he must have humility like the lowly worm.)
But that's the only time. Some other references to this color are neutral, but the first time it takes center stage, along with t'chelet and purple, is in the construction of the Mishkan, where it was in all the embroidery as well as the Bigdei Kehuna. (One of the travel covers for the Shulchan was ONLY tola'at shani, BaMidbar 4:8) Kind of a strange place to feature a 'sinful' color.
The next major encounter with Shani is in Yehoshua 2:18ff...the sign of the oath the spies made with Rachav was a Shani thread (or rope.) She was considered a Tzadeket, so I don't see much sinful here.
When David HaMelech heard that Sha'ul and Yonatan were killed, he made a Kina in mourning. One of the things he said was (Sh'muel Bet 1:24), "Daughters of Yisra'el weep over Sha'ul, who clothed you in Shani, with other delights, who put ornaments of gold upon your apparel."
M'shiach Tzidkeinu, as well as his predecessor who was also a M'shiach Hashem, thought that red was a delightful color for women to wear! Need I say more?
But I do have one more reference from Tanach...David's son Shlomo HaMelech, in something we say every Friday night, also praises Shani. In Eishet Chayil, one of the attributes of this righteous woman is that "...all her household are clothed in Shanim." (Mishle 31:21) Here the main implication is not beauty, but warmth from the snow. But if there was something wrong with red, you could use undyed wool for the same warmth; to me that implies that the red is the 'extra mile' that show her care for her family...adding beauty to the warmth.
I want to add one thing concerning Kina 22, which started this whole thing. One of my objectors, when I was quoting the Biblical references, suggested that perhaps one of the things we stopped zecher l'churban was the wearing of colorful wedding dresses. However, this Kina is about tragedies that happened in the late eleventh century C.E., long after the Destruction, and yet it seems like it was still a Jewish custom for a bride to wear red or other bright colors. (Most or all of those dresses at the Israel Museum were post-Churban also.)
Finally, there is one more Kina I want to bring up. Kina 23, the very next one, tells the story of the son and daughter of Rebbe Yishma'el the Kohen Gadol, who were purchased as slaves by two different Romans, who then decided to mate them to produce beautiful slave offspring; the two children then die weeping in each others arms. The owner of the daughter, however, as part of the praise of his captive, describes her as dressed in Shani! Rav Soloveitchik Z"tl (as quoted in the Koren Mesorat HaRav Kinot, says on this, "He recognized from her dress that she came from a prominent aristocratic family." In other words, if you could afford beautiful clothes, at least some of them were red.
(Note that the original story in Gitin 58a doesn't mention the red dress part. It may be in only some texts, or it could have been added by the author to the kina, which would also show it was still considered acceptable after the Churban.)
When I showed this to Rav Geller, he added one more item:
So there you have it; it is a long, proud tradition for Jewish women to wear red and other bright colors. In a more general way, we must be very careful to understand our practices and minhagim and where they came from (not just non-Jewish influences, but even simple things like printer errors, of which there are many famous ones, and simple ignorance), and while that doesn't mean stopping them all, at least have a full understanding of how they came about and why we do them.
Happy Anniversary Tehila and Ari!
A number of years ago, I came home from Kinot on Tisha B'Av and commented to my family that in one of the Kinot (#22 in the standard editions), there was a reference to a Bride in a red dress. (Sadly, the bride is mentioned as one of the many who died in the community mass suicides to prevent forced conversions during the Crusades, but that is not the reason I brought it up.)
I said to my family that obviously this shows that white wedding dresses were not necessarily a Jewish tradition.
Although lack of time and the fact that I have other even more important things to talk about keep me from mentioning it here often, one of my strong concerns is the amount of bad non-Jewish influence that has penetrated our religion for thousands of years. I'm not talking about learning good ideas from non-Jews...the beauty of Yefet is supposed to dwell in our tents (B'reishit 9:27), but without changing the essence of our Torah philosophy.
When I talk about such things, I usually concentrate on the larger issues, such as Christian sexual ethics, the Christian view of Gan Eden and 'original sin', outright almost-paganism like caparot, Zoroastrianism like the Lilith story, and all sorts of superstitions, good luck charms, fortunetelling, ayin hara, etc. But the more minor issues are important, too, including issues of dress. (Why are Russian winter fur hats so important and so Kodesh, for example, that people wear them here in Israel in the blazing summer heat?) And this includes wedding dresses.
I often speak only theoretically; as I've mentioned before I'm more of an armchair general (and not necessarily proud of it.) But my daughter Tehila is more likely than me to take action. When she got engaged, she decided her dress would be red.
We got some flak for it. None of the chatan's rebbeim from his yeshiva would be M'sader Kiddushin if she wore red. Another Rav I know told me stories about cases where people bought red cars and immediately got into accidents. Someone else insisted that there was a long Jewish tradition, long before Queen Victoria made it the non-Jewish standard, for brides to wear white. (The latter is definitely not true; there was an exhibit a few years back at the Israel Museum of traditional wedding dresses. There were off-white, rich purple, red, and others. And look at this one...it's white but with lots of gold.)
B"H, we found a wonderful M'sader Kiddushin, Rav Yehoshua Geller, who had been one of my son's teachers at Machon Lev in Jerusalem, and the chatuna was beautiful.
But I felt it was important, in light of the objections and misconceptions, to explain why there is nothing wrong with a red (wedding) dress.
"Everyone knows" that red is the color of p'ritzut and sin, right? Wrong. True, sometimes red, especially as it relates to blood, is associated with sin. But I can't find anyplace in Tanach where it's associated with licentiousness...that came later.
To be clear, we are mostly talking about the color called Tola'at Shani (or just Tola'at or just Shani), which is, according to some sources, a fiery orange-red. The ONLY place in Tanach where that color is associated with sin is in the famous pasuk, which we will say over and over again in the coming weeks in slichot, "...though your sins be like Shani they shall be whitened like snow, if they are red like Tola'at they shall be as wool." (Yeshayahu 1:18) That relates to the blood color, as in bloodshed, since just three p'sukim earlier he said "...your hands are full of blood." It doesn't mean red is always bad.
(There are Tola'at threads used in purifying people and houses from Tza'arat, and added to the burning of the Para Aduma. In the latter case, it's true that Rashi relates it to the above pasuk, but in the former he relates it to the fact that tola'at is actually a worm and it is a reminder to the former sufferer of tza'arat that he must have humility like the lowly worm.)
But that's the only time. Some other references to this color are neutral, but the first time it takes center stage, along with t'chelet and purple, is in the construction of the Mishkan, where it was in all the embroidery as well as the Bigdei Kehuna. (One of the travel covers for the Shulchan was ONLY tola'at shani, BaMidbar 4:8) Kind of a strange place to feature a 'sinful' color.
The next major encounter with Shani is in Yehoshua 2:18ff...the sign of the oath the spies made with Rachav was a Shani thread (or rope.) She was considered a Tzadeket, so I don't see much sinful here.
When David HaMelech heard that Sha'ul and Yonatan were killed, he made a Kina in mourning. One of the things he said was (Sh'muel Bet 1:24), "Daughters of Yisra'el weep over Sha'ul, who clothed you in Shani, with other delights, who put ornaments of gold upon your apparel."
M'shiach Tzidkeinu, as well as his predecessor who was also a M'shiach Hashem, thought that red was a delightful color for women to wear! Need I say more?
But I do have one more reference from Tanach...David's son Shlomo HaMelech, in something we say every Friday night, also praises Shani. In Eishet Chayil, one of the attributes of this righteous woman is that "...all her household are clothed in Shanim." (Mishle 31:21) Here the main implication is not beauty, but warmth from the snow. But if there was something wrong with red, you could use undyed wool for the same warmth; to me that implies that the red is the 'extra mile' that show her care for her family...adding beauty to the warmth.
I want to add one thing concerning Kina 22, which started this whole thing. One of my objectors, when I was quoting the Biblical references, suggested that perhaps one of the things we stopped zecher l'churban was the wearing of colorful wedding dresses. However, this Kina is about tragedies that happened in the late eleventh century C.E., long after the Destruction, and yet it seems like it was still a Jewish custom for a bride to wear red or other bright colors. (Most or all of those dresses at the Israel Museum were post-Churban also.)
Finally, there is one more Kina I want to bring up. Kina 23, the very next one, tells the story of the son and daughter of Rebbe Yishma'el the Kohen Gadol, who were purchased as slaves by two different Romans, who then decided to mate them to produce beautiful slave offspring; the two children then die weeping in each others arms. The owner of the daughter, however, as part of the praise of his captive, describes her as dressed in Shani! Rav Soloveitchik Z"tl (as quoted in the Koren Mesorat HaRav Kinot, says on this, "He recognized from her dress that she came from a prominent aristocratic family." In other words, if you could afford beautiful clothes, at least some of them were red.
(Note that the original story in Gitin 58a doesn't mention the red dress part. It may be in only some texts, or it could have been added by the author to the kina, which would also show it was still considered acceptable after the Churban.)
When I showed this to Rav Geller, he added one more item:
There are some Chasidic groups who are against white as they see it to be chukot hagoyim.They usually wear an off white .These include Tzanz and some others.
So there you have it; it is a long, proud tradition for Jewish women to wear red and other bright colors. In a more general way, we must be very careful to understand our practices and minhagim and where they came from (not just non-Jewish influences, but even simple things like printer errors, of which there are many famous ones, and simple ignorance), and while that doesn't mean stopping them all, at least have a full understanding of how they came about and why we do them.
Happy Anniversary Tehila and Ari!
posted by meturgeman | 3:57 PM
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