I'm really talking to myself

It was a great Rav in America (whose name of course I don't remember) who first told people when he gave Musar D'rashot, that he was really talking to himself and inviting them to listen in. The same is true in my case; even though I may sound high and mighty (yes, I know how I sound sometimes) many of the things I criticize are flaws that I have not yet purged from myself. Not in every detail, obviously, and this is not a confessional (wrong religion!) but I do have issues that I need to work on.

So maybe I should go to the opposite extreme, as some suggest? Maybe I should retire from any debate, contemplate my own navel until I can emerge pure and perfect. Well, among other reasons, I would then be violating two other Mitzvot, the ones not to stand idly by the blood of my brother, and the one to rebuke (properly and politely) my fellow Jew if I see him doing something wrong (VaYikra 19:16-17.) Not to mention I feel the need to counter some of the nonsense that is being put forth B'shem HaShem. So I will keep on as I am.

Why do I bring this up now? We just read the Tochecha in Parshat Ki Tavo. Buried in the middle of it all (thanks again to Rav Chaim Wasserman for pointing this out to me many years ago), in the midst of the description of all the evils that will befall us, is the phrase, "Because you did not serve HaShem your God with Simcha and with Goodness of Heart from the abundance of everything." (D'varim 28:47.)

Wow. Even if you do the Mitzvot, but don't do them with joy, you're in trouble! Rav Wasserman's favorite example of this is Pesach cleaning. Do you throw yourself into it with vigor, cheering that this is how you are preparing for the joyous YomTov to celebrate our freedom? Or is it more like, "I hate this cleaning, it's too much, why do we have to do this stuff?"

I personally have a big problem with this one; not just Pesach cleaning (I get around some of that by shifting my griping to anger at myself for not doing more preventative cleaning the rest of the year), but in general. It's sometimes hard not to see Mitzvot as a burden, to gripe instead of rejoice. So when I tell you this, I for sure am talking to myself first.

You may wonder, this sounds more like a Mitzva Bein Adam LaMakom, between man and God, and I keep saying between man and his fellow man is more important? The truth is, this is very much an interpersonal issue. Your own attitude determines how you interact with other people; whether you act like a mentsch or a louse. It changes how you influence people about the quality of the Torah you claim to believe in. For parents and teachers, it has a direct effect on how you pass on the heritage to the next generation. In short, in every way it is an interpersonal problem that must be dealt with.

In addition to the high-and-mighty charges, I am often accused of being downright gloomy. This is also true. Although in the long run I believe firmly that Mashiach will come and the promise of redemption will be fulfilled, and though I concede that by the concept of "B'ita" (in the Haftara we just read) Mashiach could come at any time, I don't see us as EARNING that redemption any time soon. As I said on another blog, if the Geula DID come today, we would all have to enter it with our heads hung in shame for the lousy mess we have made of God's world, and for the fact that we are such losers that we have to be bailed out without even beginning to fulfill the most important aspects of our mission.

I want the Geula to come on the Purim model, not the models of Chanuka or Y'tziat Mitzraim, where lots of Jews had to die before the others were saved. On Purim, all the Jews did T'shuva and no one had to die. (I plan to post my "Chanuka and Purim" piece here on the blog when Chanuka arrives.) I don't even want to see non-Jews die, not in New Orleans, not in the Far East, not even in Ramallah and Gaza City. Three times a day I say the Aleinu at the end of davening, in which I ask Hashem to TURN ALL THE EVIL PEOPLE OF THE EARTH TOWARDS HIM, NOT to kill them; just like happened in Ninveh when He sent Jonah to save an entire city.

And when even the frum people are wasting all their energies in the wrong directions and not listening to the true moral imperatives of Torah, I don't see all this happenning so quickly. That's why I get gloomy. So I say, to myself with the rest of you listening, serve Hashem with Simcha, help bring His joy and love to the world, and we can start to reverse the tide of suffering and begin the (possibly long) road to true Geula.